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They came to High Stakes promising to prove their worth, but after five minutes of bone-jarring punishment at the hands of the Ex-Nex Express, Vanity and Billy Jo Boxer were down for the count - and once again bumped from tag team title contention. Since their embarrassing defeat, rumors have been circulating non-stop about backstage politics playing a part in the match outcome. This week, the GWF's Sal Silverman tracks down the always-outspoken Vanity and his TNT-fisted teammate hoping to find out what really happened in Washington, D.C.
SAL SILVERMAN: Hello, gentlemen. Thanks for giving me a few minutes. I'm puzzled by the location, though. Any reason we're meeting at a highway rest stop? Don't you guys have a hotel?
BOXER: It's like this, Sal Silverman ...
VANITY: (interrupting) It's like this, Sal Silverman - we call the shots, we make the arrangements, we name the times and the places, because we CAN. Look into my eyes. I am a 56-time New York State Golden Gloves champion. Three years ago I strolled into Philadelphia and won the prestigious Job-A-Thon tournament. Ever since I returned to the GWF, I've been a walking magnet of admiration and respect. And Billy, he's a pretty tough hombre, too. Isn't that right, Billy?
BOXER: S'right.
VANITY: That's right. So you see, Silverman, if Vanity and Billy Jo want to meet at a rest stop, in a paper mill, in a coal mine or in the middle of I-75 at rush hour, then, man, that's where we're gonna meet.
SS: Ahem. Right. Now, guys, I'm sure you already know what I want to ask today. Of course, the GWF grapevine is buzzing, and with regard to the Ex-Nex Express ...
VANITY: (interrupting) The Ex-Nex Express? Don't you mean the Will-You-Please-Flex-Less Express? I'm telling you, Silverman, the next time Exo-King jiggles his fat ass down that ring apron, I'm gonna be there to plant my foot in it.
SS: Wasn't that your plan at High Stakes? 
BOXER: (stepping forward) Listen here, fool ...
VANITY: (putting an arm out) Ho, ho, ho, brother. Listen, now, Silverman, we're not here to talk about High Stakes today. We're here to talk about how Vanity and Billy Jo are the finest tag team in the GWF, and how no juiced-up, musclehead freaks like Exo-King and Lord Nexus are going to get in our way. Got it?
SS: But you must have some explanation for what happened at the pay-per-view. It just doesn't make sense. Billy, you were beaten by an atomic dr ...
VANITY: (interrupting) No comment, Silverman.
SS: But ...
VANITY: No comment.
SS: Listen, some sources ...
VANITY: Silverman, I have this little finishing move you may have heard of, called the Ladies' Choice? It's kind of like being kicked by a horse, and if I aimed it just right at your flapping gums ...
SS: Right, right. Point taken.
VANITY: That's what I thought. Now, what else do you want to know about Vanity and Billy Jo?
SS: Well, since we're so clearly forgetting about the past, let's talk about your ... uh ... future plans.
VANITY: Now that's more like it, Silverman. Future plans. Billy, what do you have in mind, besides dropping Lord Nexus on his thick melon a few times?
BILLY: First of all ...
VANITY: (interrupting) First of all, we're gonna start putting our thumb down on that championship committee. I say it's high time we got our tag team title match, don't you think? Renegade and Darkos, the Jocko Vonns, Heckle and Jeckle - it doesn't matter to us. Print up those contracts, get the champs in that ring and let us take home the gold we should've had around our waist a long time ago.
SS: (cautiously) Some would argue that you don't have the ... uh ... backstage clout for that sort of maneuvering.
BILLY: (stepping forward again) Damn, you just don't ...
VANITY: (stopping him) Whoa, whoa there. Silverman, I thought you were a smart guy, shutting your mouth a minute ago like you did, but now you just aren't doing your homework. Listen, Jethro, who's the new commissioner?
SS: Uh, Bishop Hell ...
VANITY: Right. And who, standing before you, used to hang with Bishop Hell a few years ago as part of the most feared stable in wrestling history, the Hellfire Club? Hmmm?
SS: (confused) Uh ... well, technically Bil ...
VANITY: That's right - Vanity. Me and the Bishop are like peanut butter and jelly, Silverman. I've got his cell phone on speed dial, we're so tight. I guarantee you that if I walk up to His Excellency and say "Give us a title match," he'll go "poof" with the flames and the pyro and we'll have our title match, no matter what the road agents or the executive vice president or any of these other suits has to say.
SS: Well, I certainly wish you luck in your goals, both in and out of the ring. Anything else you'd like to add before I get back on the interstate?
BILLY: Yeah, tell the ...
VANITY: (interrupting) Yeah, Silverman, tell the Ex-Nex Express, whenever you see them - not like Exo-King's ass doesn't have its own ZIP code - tell them that Vanity and Billy Jo aren't through with them yet, not by a long shot, and when the Ex-Nex Express chugs its way back into our neck of the woods, they're looking at permanent derailment.
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